Ich bin krank.
I am sick.
Saya sakit.
我病了。。。

Be firm. Don't change your mind. Make sure it won't again.

In meinem Herzen fehle ich du lieb.
Aber ich bin nicht imstande, dich zu informieren, weil du beschlossen hast, weg von mir zu gehen.
Es ist für mich sehr schmerzlich. Und ich bin das erstickte Gefühl. Was kann ich es tun aber annehmen?

Ich vermisse dich sehr.

不知如何是好。
可是，我累了。
真的好累!

Retrenchment
How cruel it is.
How depressing it is.
How annoying it is.

What can we do?
What can I do?
When is this going to be over?
Who can tell me me?

Life is like a roller-coaster.
Sometimes up, sometimes down.
But nowadays, there are more down than up.
When I thought it's going up, but just to my surprise, it went all the way down.
Till I can't take it any further.
How long can I cope with it?

Father in heaven, I pray to you.
Can you give me some inner peace, so that I can hang on there and not collapsing.

还以为放手了，怎知道原来一直都没放手过。
为什么不放呢？
可能放了反而比较轻松呢？
放了是否真的会比较轻松呢？
明知道如果不想受到更多的伤害，就趁早放手，免得收不回来。
放了是否会过的比较快了呢？
明知迟早都要放，倒不如现在就先放手？
赶快放了吧！
放了才能为自己打开新的一幅门！
不要动摇了，放手吧！
放了你自己吧！

Was soll ich tun?
Ich weisse sicher nicht.
Sollte ich einfach alles verrgessen und verzeihen?

Blind Willow, Sleeping Woman – Quote by Haruki Murakami

 ‘Did you ever see John Ford’s movie Fort Apache?’ my cousin asked.
‘A long time ago’, I said.
‘It was on TV recently. It’s really a good movie.’
‘Um,’ I affirmed.
‘In the beginning of the movie there’s this new colonel who’s come to a fort out west. A veteren captain comes out to meet him when he arrives. The captain’s played by John Wayne. The colonel doesn’t know much about what things are like in the west. And there’s an Indian uprising all around the fort.’

My cousin took a neatly folded white handkerchieft from his pocket and wiped his mouth.

‘Once he gets to the fort the colonel turns to John Wayne and says, `I did see a few Indians on the way over here.`And John Wayne, with his cool look on his face, replies, `Don’t worry. If you were able to spot some Indians, that means there aren’t any there.` I don’t remember the actual lines, but it went something like that. Do you get what he means?’
‘I think it means that what can be seen by anybody isn’t all that important….`

 

Birthday Girl - Quote by Haruki Murakami

‘Of course I’d like to be prettier or smarter or rich. But I really can’t imagine what would happen to me if any of those things came true. They might be more than I could handle. I still don’t really know what life is all about. I don’t know how it works.’

***

‘Do you mind if I ask you one thing?’ I asked. ‘Or, mroe precisely, two things.’
‘Go ahead,’she said. ‘I imagine you’re going to ask me what I wished for that time. That’s the first thing you want to know.’
‘But it looks as though you don’t want to talk about that.’
‘Does it?’
I nodded.
She putt he coaster down and narrowed her eyes as if staring at something in the distance. ‘You’re not supposed to tell anybody what you wished for, you know.’
‘I won’t try to drag it out of you,’I said. ‘I would like to know whether or not it came true, though. And also – whether or not you later came to regret what it was you chose to wish for. Were you ever sorry you didn’t wish for something else?’
‘The answer to the first question is yes and also no. I still have a lot of living left to do, probably. I haven’t seen how things are going to work out to the end.’
‘So it was a wish that takes time to come true?’
‘You should say that. Time is going to play an important role.’
‘Like in cooking certain dishes?’
She nodded.
‘And the answer to my second question?’
‘What was that again?’
‘Whether you ever regretted your choice of what to wish for.’
‘I’m married now,’ she said. ‘To a CPA three years older than me. And I have two childrens, a boy and a girl. We have an Irish setter. I drive an Audi, and I play tennis with my girlfriends twice a week. That’s the life I’m living now.’
‘What I’m trying to tell you is this,’ she said more softly scratching an earlobe. It was a beautifully shapped earlobe, ‘No matter what they wish for, no mattter how far they go, people can never be anything but themselves. That’s all.’
She rested her elbow on the bar and looked at me. ‘Tell me ,’ she said. ‘What would you have wished for if you had been in my position?’
‘On the night of my twentieth birthday, you mean?’
‘Uh-huh.’
I took some time to think about that , but I couldn’t come up with a single wish.
‘I can’t think of anything,’ I confessed. ‘I’m too far away from my twentieth birthday.’
‘You really can’t think of anything?’
I nodded.
‘Not one thing?’
‘Not one thing.’
She looked into my eyes again – straight in – and said, ‘That’s because you’ve already made your wish.’

Auf Wiedersehen meine Liebe, S.R.L.B.
Ich liebe dich aber ich wird nicht mit dir überhaupt in Verbindung treten.
Da ich nicht die Schmerzen so durch dich tief wieder erhalten möchte.
Ciao meine Liebe, S.R.L.B.

City: Baden, Switzerland
Date: 31/12/2007
Time: 16.37pm
 
It's funny that the other part of the world is already in year 2008, while I am still on the 31/12/2007 here in Baden, Switzerland.
What will I be doing if I am now in Melbourne? Will I be celebrating it alone at home?
I'm glad that I am currently in Switzerland, which I don't need to think about that question at all.
I don't feel today is the last day of 2007 neither the beginning of 2008.
I just feel numb. I don't really have any particular feelings.
Somehow, some parts of me wishing that I am currently in Kuching, Malaysia.
Here is Switzerland, the last day of the year, we called in Silvester.
I am celebrating Silvester with my host family and their friends as usual every year, at Jösy and Trix.
It's going to be a late, big night.

For those out there who is already in year 2008, Happy New Year! Stay happy and stay healthy!

Oh god!
I can't believe myself for being so ridiculous.
Well, what happened today was probably God's will (what a good reason to comfort myself).
It's all my fault actually.
I bought myself two extreme expensive handbag in my life.
I don't think I will get another handbag for the next 10years....ok, next 10 years is a bit too exaggerate. Let's say, for the next 5 years. That sounds more reasonable.
Guess what I have bought??
Well, I bought myself a Swiss made white genuine leather handbag named `Mollerus`, which I never heard of.
Anyway, I don't care about the name anyway. I am concern only with the design.
Unfortunately, the design that I love is usually (most of the time) expensive.
I don't understand why is simply design is always more expensive than complicated design.
My host family said I have expensive taste, which is untrue as I don't know the price at all. Just coincident!!!
The second handbag that I bought named `Longchamp`, which I never heard of as well.
I am not a bag person neither a shopping person. I don't know anything about brand names, quality etc.
I just love the design that I saw.
Unfortunately, it is one of the expensive one again.
I just learnt today that `Longchamp`is from France and it is made in France, luckily not China.
To my surprise, a lot of the branded stuff in Switzerland are actually design in France or Italy but made in China.
The name of the bag that I bought is called `Hobo Longchamp Vintage`.
I don't know whether or not I should be happy for the handbags bargain or should be sad, that I sort of overspent. Sigh...
Anyway, this is the first time I really shop for myself in Switzerland.
The good thing is, I spent my own hard earn money, and not from my parents. (sort of, those out there, you know what I mean).
Hahahaha....
Lastly, I am still deciding whether or not I should get the Navyboot bag. It's pretty but expensive again.
As always, it's just a simple design, but bad luck Alissa!
This is the reality. Are you willing to pay another CHF400 for a bag???
In dilemma!!!!!
God! Help!!!!!!!

The weather outside is snowing.
And I am looking it from my balcony.
Let it snow! Let it snow! Let it snow!

Christmas is approaching and everyone is busy buying gifts.
As for me, I have been shopping a lot in Zürich yesterday and today.
All the stuff that I bought is for MYSELF.
I can't remember when was the last time that I really shop for myself without thinking of buying for anyone else.
I think I am crazy, I bought 5 shoes yesterday. 3 for working, 2 for casual. (Maybe because I haven't been shopping at all for a long time in Melbourne). I also got a good bargain at Tally WeWeijl. I bought 2 funny blouse for just CHF20 each. It's summer clothes anyway and it's winter now. That't the clearance.
And today, I went to Zürich again. I bought myself two pairs of jeans from Miss Sixty (1 jean is a good bargain CHF89 and the other one is expensive but it's worth as they are from Italy) and a summer sandals for just CHF30. What a good bargain.
And thanks God, finally I found a shop in Switzerland selling wine from Australia. I don't have much choice, so I bought a Shiraz for my host dad.
It's really cold over here and I think I have been sleeping a lot and eating a lot.
I am glad to be back here again after so many years and happy to see my host family again. They are the greatest gift that I ever received from God or from my exchange year in Switzerland and I love them like my own real parents.